To Work

Tartan blankets filling my gaze
misshapen pillows from last nights dreams
nature defeating the will.
soon to scramble for the shower again
hair can wait another day
same jeans as yesterday again.
and on the train to work
To work when I could be studying the world map and figuring out which airport to fly to
when i could be poaching eggs and layering on the salmon
when i could be learning from Rimbaud how to unleash youth with decisive power
when i could be searching myself and my work with intentions of distillation
when i could be lying in the snow to find out how long one can stand numbness
when i could be watching pictures, seeing fragments merge into momentary perfection for the senses
when i could be staring into their faces
when i could be getting myself into dirty trouble
when i could be against a wall sniffing at regret
when i could be eating hungrily at the flesh of consolation
when i could be driving my forehead into the air with the idea that at speed i might surprise natural motion and knock myself out with approving joy
when i could be under water kicking for life and for affirmation
when i could be sitting with my head in a lap making a memory into god
when i could be winning at the most unlikely game of cards
when i could be cursing those who have wronged me with absolute conviction
when i could be philosophizing with a stranger in a dark corner with wine stained lips and hips
when i could be running across the Ponte Vecchio, through the Uffizi with arms out stretched
when i could be exuding an idea of style with intention to unnerve
when i could be telling my favorite joke to group that fail to see the laugh
when i could be hurting so much i am reminded of my physicality in the world
when i could be thrashing and kissing and smoking
when i could be failing
when i could be sitting at a wooden bar in the south of ireland sitting next to an estranged uncle who assuredly speaks english
when i could be listening to the rain diffusing on the window
when i could be