I was in a rather compromising situation, you know, in the loo,
When I heard a crash and a bang just as I dropped a third poo.
Unfortunately I hastened so fast to the site,
(honestly, I forgot properly to wipe)
That I fell to the floor just as out went the light.
Eventually I found the switch and I can barely describe what met my eyes;
In the middle of the kitchen a huge piece of metal had spelled out my roofs demise,
It had crashed through the ceiling on top of all my husbands pies!
You see I had been baking all day, it's amazing what you can do with lard and some crust.
I digress, but when you've time, my apple and spam tart is a must.
Needless to say my pies were ruined, anyone would think my batter was made of rust.
After several cans of lager my nerves were finally ready to cooperate,
I called the police and demanded a bobby over here at once to investigate.
To my outrage when he finally arrived he commented on my weight:
"Thats a hefty problem you've got there missus" was his opening line,
He waltzed around my kitchen, 'inspecting' and I'm not ashamed to say I took to the wine.
You see the junk in my kitchen was surely part of some elaborate crime.
Well eventually I was 'informed' that the metal wasn't from the sky but from space!
Seems that they want me to believe that we are an entirely incompetent race,
But they wont catch me out I wont be the one standing around with egg on my face!
I know that our rubbish all goes to the landfill sites and recycling plants,
They'd have me believe we're killing ourselves, running around, senseless as ants!
Space debris! I've not heard anything so daft since the bloody Pirates of Penzance!
Anyway now I've got in my kitchen what one might call a conservatory,
And add to that, the RAF coming over to investigate makes a damn great story.
Doesn't bear thinking about really; it could have been awfully gory!
No comments:
Post a Comment