Friday, 18 September 2009


Quiet, lethargic breath. Breath. Breath. Breath. Morning is lost and cool air has taken up its particularly annoying habit of pricking my skin. Scratch and turn over, ignore the need to pee. Eyes glaze over and settle at the covered window.

Under the windowsill a tiny red spider is making a red web, the web is a hundred times the size of the spider. What a feat for one so small, but then potential is decided by the object and not the lazy, slightly smelly, boy still in bed at one o’clock in the afternoon.

Unexpectedly, five more spiders, each of a different colour, can now be seen on that same web, so perhaps my little red friend hasn’t been as busy as I think. No wrong again! as now I can see that each spider spins with a web the same colour as himself so that now the windowsill and wall begin to look like an oily puddle on a winters day.

As a grin creeps across the boys face, the spiders begin to work more quickly and soon there is an arch of web all around the window and down to the floor. Those six spiders can now be seen running in formation across the floor and into the wardrobe.

Oh, ok. Well I was rather enjoying that. Hmmm. Breath. Sniff. Without getting out of bed, a more intense look tickles us with the knowledge that those clever spiders have actually written a message under the arch, consecutive letters always different colours. Easing, teasing toward the end of the bed to try and make out that message. The white duvet becomes a snowy field, and me with out my snowshoes or any tennis rackets. Hmm, craning neck, brave eyes…


Chuckle, chortle at the fight the red and blue spiders seem to have had over the word “the” and the start of “beginning”. Yawn, quite an accomplishment for one sooooo small. The wardrobe doors rumble and silently bang. Hmmm. The arch seems now to take on a different presence, its not that it grows but perhaps it just glows. And again the wardrobes creek in their hinges as if from being told a rather funny joke. Hmmm; itchy ears. Aaaahh, SOOOO ITCHY.

The wardrobe doors burst open! At least a million tiny spiders of a thousand different colours rush out, a rainbow wave that one could surf on. Inspired by glee I sit up in bed my body pushed against the headboard, my knees at my chest and my hands clutching pillows at my side.

The spiders form two pillars on either side of the window and soon the wooden blind, shielding me from the sunlight and the world, has been lifted and tucked away into the arch above the window.

I had no idea what a beautiful day it was, the nipping cold at my skin is brushed away in an instant, my eyes are blinded and firmly closed, the skin on my face feels enriched, as if from each pour a tiny creature had emerged and tilled the earth of my face and then brought out a tiny deck chair and set up camp for the day; a LAUGH! AND AGAIN!

I relax back into my bed feeling simply serene and open my eyes to discover that there now is no window in front of me, what I mean is there is no glass. And not a second after that I realise that my entire room has been covered in that glowing, multicoloured, tiny thread. I now know what it is like to be inside the stomach of a fair ground owner on Mardi Gras. The walls seem to smile and wink, in some corners there are a few frowns but I guess that is to be expected.

WAIT! Where are the spiders? I sit up higher in bed, Searching eyes all around the floor, no sign under the bookcase, don’t think there are any under that sofa. Quiet. Still. THERE! A miniscule spider (perhaps a baby) does a complete run around the plant pot and stops dead. And then as if propelled by lightning the baby spider (its almost certain) disappears under my bed.

THE BED BEGINS TO LIFT! Soon I’m a foot off the ground and heading for THE WINDOW! Well this is unexpected. I hold on tight to the headboard and burp, an effect that can surely be attributed to shock. About thirty or forty spiders join me on the bed, as if just for the ride, they sit right at the front and if I was daft I’d swear they were yelling “wheeeeeee!” Soon the bed is half way out the window and I’m hovering above the garden, the dog looks up from his sunbathing, raises an eyebrow and goes back to sleep, presuming he must be dreaming. Now the spiders form a ramp to take me all the way down to the ground. I wonder if any of the neighbours can see me? As the bed reaches earth the spiders rather rudely tip the bed up and I land on the grass, not far from the still sleeping dog. Now my comfy bed is effortlessly rushed back through the window and taken, presumably, back where it came from, although I’d say I couldn’t be sure.

Now it’s just the dog and I in the garden. Startled, my lungs fill with air and again I am inclined to giggle. My eyes meet a bundle being hurled from my window which lands neatly at my feet, I open it to find an outfit which came from my wardrobe, a combination of socks and boxers, shirt, trousers, shoes and even a bow tie that honestly looks smashing. Not one to argue, especially in this situation, I strip off and then adorn my specially chosen attire. As I fix my bow tie I look up and find the spiders creating a message with their bodies on the side of the house under my window.


Well, a huge grin splits my face and I turn and head to the garden gate, after that who knows where, the train station, a castle, a concert, a lover, a river, another country? As my hand grasps the handle to the gate and adventure, I wince as I feel something hit me on the back. I turn and see rolling around at my feet a can of deodorant. I use this, which the spiders obviously feel was a necessity and head out the gate and down the street.

I swear I can still hear them laughing.

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